epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
