I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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