This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
