So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
