I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
