I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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