Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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