I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize