swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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