It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
