I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
