Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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