yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
