I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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