I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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