Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
