I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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