she was so not down for the gang bang
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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