I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there's paper in my vomit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
