He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
