Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
