So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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