I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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