he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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