I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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