I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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