i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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