Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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