Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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