Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
