At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
