you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
