dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
wow bdsm is so cute
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
