just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
