I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
