im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize