I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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