did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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