I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
