I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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