About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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