I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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