Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
