Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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