you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
