i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
