Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
