This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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