i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
