she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
