Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
