remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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