I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
