So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
