I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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