Do you still have your period?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
false alarm. still invincible.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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