Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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