I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the raccoons are back...
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