had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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