He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
