can we get nightvision for the apartment?
accomplished twins. life is a go
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
