Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
