I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
